The Power of Positive?

I’m a happy, positive person 99% of the time.  You will see me smiling most days.  People have often described me as warm, bubbly and positive.  And it’s genuine.  That’s who I am at my core.  But let me tell you the secret as to why – I’m not afraid to be negative. 

It sounds counter-intuitive, right?  After all, focusing on what’s not going right can be depressing and draining.  Yet a whole host of researchers have found the exact opposite to be true.  When we’re not willing to confront the gunk in our lives, it doesn’t recede; it grows.  It festers and multiplies.  Sooner or later, it spills out and begins to impact those around us.  We can become distant and withdrawn, or bitter and vengeful.  We’re tired all the time but we’re not sure why.  We lash out instead of calmly talking. We bury ourselves under the weight of our fears and unhappiness.  And when it finally comes out, it’s usually at the worst moment possible and in an unloving way. 

I have to admit putting on a brave face was my “go to” for years.  The harder the situation, the more I smiled and feigned strength.  Inside, though, it felt like I was dying.  Sleepless nights, growing bitterness over feeling misunderstood and unappreciated, it all took a toll—even if I may have been the only one to know it.  It’s easy to assume the Martyr pose when this is your default.  This is the person who is willing to sacrifice their happiness, their purpose and their emotional well-being in a warped attempt to show love (and if we’re honest, earn a sense of validity and self-worth.  After all, how could they get by without us?).  It’s debilitating.

Others have a hard time even acknowledging there’s an issue.  They’re either “always right” and wonder why there’s a wake of failed relationships behind them, or never admit challenge so they stay stunted and don’t grow.    The weight of their mask is suffocating them but they don’t even see it.  So, they work an insane amount of hours, drink or play sports to excess – anything to avoid thinking.   

The secret I would like to share with you is this: profound peace and joy come from being real.  I have learned how incredibly beneficial it is to tackle issues quickly because the sooner I start digging, the sooner the internal healing can begin.  Whether you get it out with God, with a safe friend you trust or with a counselor, it’s amazing how much the simple act of respectfully yet honestly opening up is so freeing.  Your heart begins to heal; you start to see new solutions or paths to take you weren’t able to see before.  Even more importantly, it gives you a sense of connection and self-worth outside of your performance.

Not everyone will be able to receive your “junk.”  Some people are all about being understood, but they’re not willing to understand.  These are not the people to share with.  Nor are the people who will always tell you what you want to hear.  And, of course, you have to be open to receive.  If you’re not willing to grow through whatever is going on inside, you stay stuck.  It takes courage to face your weaknesses.  Yet the act of being open, of dealing with your issues and challenges quickly, makes you stronger.  As Brene Brown says, “One could argue that weakness often stems from a lack of vulnerability—when we don’t acknowledge how and where we’re tender, we’re more at risk of being hurt.” 

Don’t be afraid to lean into those challenging, unruly emotions.  At the end of them you will find connection, growth and peace.

For Further Thought:  In James 5:16 we are told, “Make this your common practice:  Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.  The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.”  You don’t have to pretend to be happy; Get back to being genuine and watch as true happiness makes its way back in. 

Stepping Out of the Boat

Have you ever had a time where you felt incredible joy from something good that happened to you, only to have that joy somehow morph into fear and doubt about your ability or worth to have or receive the blessing?  I have.  I think it's the yin and yang of life, the give and take we all experience on some level.  We get excited at first, but then we get distracted by all that's around and in us.

Last month was a time of deep blessing for me.  A publisher approached me with an offer to edit and guide me with my book pro bono because he felt God had called him to do so.  Just a few days later, I met with another person who agreed to do all my media pro bono.  That same evening, a fan of my blog recognized me and asked for my autograph.  Talk about humbling and inspiring!  Honestly,  I think I received far greater blessing from her request than she got from my signature.

Not but a few days later, our photographer had to back out of doing publicity shots.  The very first person I approached (and barely knew) not only agreed to help us out last minute, but she offered to do it--you guessed it--pro bono.  Then, I was asked to share just a sliver of my story during the offering at Vineyard Cincinnati.  You would think I would be buzzing with joy and awe at God's providence, at how He is faithful in opening every door.  And I was!  At first.

Not but a week after the initial dust had settled, I found myself gripped with deep fear: fear I'm not enough, fear I can't do all God has laid before me, fear I will fail, fear my faith and hope are groundless, and just plain, outright fear of who I am and what I'm doing with my life.  The ugly, negative thoughts just kept rolling in.

It's ironic to me because as a young woman I would've grabbed a hold of all of this blessing with gusto, running ahead confident in my own strength.  Time has taught me my weaknesses, my flaws.  Time likes to remind me of all the ways I've failed.

I feel like the apostle Peter.  I take a step of faith out of the boat to walk on water toward Jesus.  The momentary exhilaration is heady and amazing.  I see Jesus do the impossible, even with someone as flawed as me.  I feel faithful.  I feel confident.  I have absolute trust in His leading.

But just like Peter, it doesn't take long before I notice the winds and the waves, the storm raging all around me.  I can sink so quickly!

All I can say is thank you to God.  When I take my eyes off of Him and start looking at me, thinking life relies on my strength and power,  He's right there to pull me back up out of the water and place my feet on firm ground again.  He carries me on His shoulders so I can keep walking forward.

I want to encourage you today.  God has placed within you every gifting, every talent and every skill you need to do whatever He has called you to, whether it is to be a better parent, a better spouse, a better employee, a better friend, or to build/start/lead/grow anything.  He will equip you to move forward.  When you see those waves, just whisper His name.  It may take time, but He will lift you from the waves.  Always.

For Further Thought:  "Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.  I've called your name.  You're mine.  When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.  When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.  When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--Because I am God, your personal God.  the Holy of Israel, your Savior.  I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!  That's how much you mean to me!  That's how much I love you!" (Isaiah 43:1-4).  I love this scripture.  It always reminds me I'm not alone on my journey, and that it is never all up to me.  When you find yourself looking at the waves in your life, read this scripture out loud and place your name in as many of the sentences as you can.  It's a powerful experience that will help your courage grow!

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