Minefields

I remember years ago seeing a picture of Princess Diana walking through an abandoned mine field that had just been cleared.  Instead of a diamond tiara, she wore a flak jacket and a helmet for protection, just in case.  Though Angola’s bitter civil war had ended, millions of mines still littered the landscape, making a simple walk down the road potentially lethal.  She wanted to bring awareness to the important cause of removing leftover mines so people could live safely and flourish once again without fear.

 I have learned I have my own mine fields—undetected, undetonated pockets of hurt and fear buried deep within the rugged landscape of my heart.  I have no idea where they are, no concept of what might actually trigger one to explode.  But when someone or something steps on one, I know it immediately.  It’s the strong anger I feel over a comment that was pretty innocent, or the fear that grips me over something that doesn’t warrant quite that degree of fear.  It’s the time I assume the absolute worse of someone’s motives when they’ve never given me a reason to, or the strong reaction I have to a suggestion or idea, far stronger than is normal.  I may not exactly understand why, but I definitely feel the intensity of it within.   

Just like in real life, I do have choices when someone steps on a mine in my heart.  I can blow up, blasting and yelling or crying and withdrawing my way through it, causing a lot of collateral damage in my wake.  Or I can stop, pause and realize something much deeper within me has just been triggered, something I don’t fully understand.  Like stepping on a real mine, it will take some thought and determination on my part to safely dig the mine out, but taking the time to dig is part of what will help me move safely forward on my life’s journey.

We are taught in Proverbs 20:5, “the real motives come from deep within a person—as from deep waters—but a discerning person is able to draw them up and expose them.” I have been blessed to have great people around me, my Wise Advisors, that are able to help me delve into and deal with the minefields of my heart.  They have been invaluable on my journey!  But by far the one who has most helped me to discover those deep wounds and heal them one by one has been my Father Jesus.  When I know something within me is being triggered, I pray and He’s right there, helping me explore my emotions and the drivers behind them.  Or He’ll bring things to the surface during our time together that I didn’t even know to look at, let alone realize it was an unexplored issue, sometimes through a scripture, sometimes as I step back to receive from Him what He would share with me. 

Through it all, I have learned the value of catching myself in the middle of reacting (versus continuing to explode or implode) to stop and pray.  Sometimes I’m nudged to take a step back from a situation, even if others tease me about it, so I can grab some fresh air and fresh perspective.  At other times, I’ve simply acknowledged that I’m over-reacting, that I’m not sure why, and I either work it out with the person I’m with, or come back to the issue later with God so He can begin digging the hurt and anger out of my heart.  Either way, that simple act of prayerfully acknowledging my reaction with my Father has probably helped me to heal and grow more than just about any other spiritual practice I’ve learned. 

My guess is we all have minefields of one kind or another, overly sensitive areas in our lives that no matter how careful someone else is, they will inadvertently set something negative off within us.  Will you be willing to stop, pray and look for the learning opportunity within?  Can you be patient with others when you inadvertently trip one of theirs?  It requires courage and bravery to tackle the messy pieces of who we are, but replacing those hurt spots with peace and joy is worth the challenge and risk. 

For Further Thought:  Think back on times in your life where you know you’ve reacted more strongly than a comment or a situation dictated.  Why?  What can you learn about yourself from that experience?  What might God say to you about it?  Remember—God promises He will lift you, “out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He will set [your] feet on a rock and [give you] a firm place to stand,” (Psalm 40:2).  The trick?  You gotta let Him …

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Getting to the Good

So, I’ve been sick, as in really sick!  I was down for the count for nearly three weeks.  I haven’t been that sick in nearly 20 years.  Ugh! At first I tried to just gut it out, to keep pushing my way through it until I felt better.  When my body rebelled and shut me down from action, I just slept, figuring that was my best bet to get over whatever it was in a few days.  Then, as I started to feel better, I took a drug and had a strong reaction to it.  Translation – another 2 days down and another 4-5 days of feeling as weak as a newborn kitten.  It was those last 4-5 days I found the most challenging.  I wasn’t tired so I couldn’t sleep, but neither did I have energy to do anything!  I felt like a slug, and I was feeling angry about it all. 

Then I remembered a woman from my Mother-Daughter Bible study group.  She was a cancer survivor, having just pulled through over a year’s worth of treatment.  She not only was in remission, but she had such an incredible spirit about her.  In our group, she shared about one key, perspective changing moment from early on in her battle.  Her mother had passed away just a month prior to her diagnosis.  She went to her dad, feeling guilty to even cry to him about her fears since her mom had just passed.  But she went anyway, and what he shared changed her world.  After holding her and comforting her, he looked at her with a smile and said, “The Lord says to be grateful in all things.”  The truth of those words struck, and sunk down deep.  She realized that instead of mourning what was, she needed to rejoice in each day she had.  She decided to move forward with faith that whatever the outcome, she had many reasons to choose faith and to rejoice (though she obviously prayed for healing, too!).

As I recalled the bravery and peace that woman possessed, it changed my perspective.  Instead of grousing, I took the extra time I had on my hands to pray and think through things I don’t normally have time to look at more deeply.  New ideas and plans began emerging.  I wasn’t exactly productive because I still felt weak, but I came to peace in the space I found myself in, trusting God would use it in some way (which He did – and I’ll share about it in a few days!).  I let go of the anger and the self-pity, and chose to embrace my  down time.  I don’t know that I healed any quicker because of it, but I certainly felt much better on the inside. 

You never know exactly how God is going to work.  You never know how or when He’ll show up to gently guide you in a different direction.  The key is to take the time to listen, to not allow the negative to crowd out the realm of possibility and beauty all around you.  I think God blesses us in some way every day.  The challenge is to keep our eyes clear and our hearts open enough to find it.

For further thought: “Most of all, friends, always rejoice in the Lord!  I never tire of saying it: Rejoice!  Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps.  The Lord is ever present with us.  Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray.  Pray about everything.  He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come.  And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One,” (Philippians 4:4-7).  Do you have an area that you need to let go into the Father’s capable hands?  Something challenging you need to turn around on its head and instead be grateful for?  Look for ways to do so this week.  And, take the time to read the rest of the passage in Philippians (click HERE) so you can be encouraged. 

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The Ghosts of Demons Past

I used to love horror movies as a kid.  We had an old show called Sir Ghastly Graves that featured classic horror movies from the past – Dracula, the Werewolf, Frankenstein, the Mummy, and various other creepy characters that sent delicious chills down my spine.  I would run inside promptly at show time and watch, slack jawed, as scary creatures chased down unsuspecting victims.  Yet somehow these creatures were always defeated in the end.  There were crosses, holy water, stakes, garlic, silver bullets, fire – it was all quite fascinating to me.

Then one Saturday morning it all changed.   Up until that point all the victims I saw were adults.  In my young mind I reasoned children were immune.  On this particular morning, there was a vampire movie where an innocent child was bitten and turned into a “creature of the night.”  I realized I wasn’t immune from evil after all.  

I still watched Sir Ghastly Graves every Saturday after that fateful day, but I also had nightmares every night for two years afterwards and slept with a stuffed animal or doll at my neck just to be safe.  Did I know there were no such things as monsters?  Of course.  In the middle of the blackness of night, alone in the silence of my room, however, it was a little bit harder to convince myself.

As horrible as that sounds, what eventually helped me defeat my nightmares was truth.  I would mentally bring out each monster before me, address it by name, look at its powers, and then tell it, “but you aren’t real.”  I would force myself to examine the worst it could do.  Then I would remind myself not only was the creature not real, but it had no power over me.  Then the monster would simply fade away.  It only took a few weeks of consistently confronting my demons before they fled permanently.  

As adults, I think we all have a tendency to carry around demons and ghosts of a different nature.  That one fateful, thoughtless decision we made, the horrible and unfair treatment we received at the hands of another, the circumstances we should have been able to control but couldn’t, or the ugly ways we’ve treated someone we genuinely cared about come back to haunt us, overpowering us with fear, despair and lack of worth.   We still can lay awake at night, unable to sleep, consumed by the memories that haunt us.  We keep ourselves incredibly busy so we don’t have time to think, or get sucked into the swamp of defeatist thinking.  

Interestingly, I have found truth to still be the most powerful weapon in defeating my own emotional monsters I have had to battle.  Anger, depression, self-pity, sadness, anger, you name it.  Truth slays it every time. How?  Great question!  This is what Jesus says, “If you hear my voice and abide in my word, you are truly my disciples; you will know the truth, and that truth will give you freedom,” (Jn. 8:31-32 VOICE).    

So truth brings freedom.  But what is that truth?  Consider Romans 8:28,31-35-37:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose … What shall we say in response to this?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all –how will he not also, along with him graciously give us all things?  Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen?  It is God who justifies.  Who then is the one who condemns?  No one.  Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also pleading for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”  

God’s unconditional love and acceptance are my truth.  My demons have no power of me.  Oh, there are certainly lessons to be learned, possible apologies to be given or forgiveness to be granted—none of which are necessarily easy—but there is nothing I haven’t already been forgiven for.  Nothing.  If God doesn’t condemn me, if Jesus thought I was worth enough to give up his life for, who am I to condemn myself and hold onto the guilt and shame that’s already been taken away?  And if I’ve been forgiven of so much, who am I to withhold forgiveness from another?  Most importantly, if I’m loved so very deeply, which God makes crystal clear I am, who am I to not love myself in return?  

So on the days your demons get the better of you, don’t be afraid to face them head on with God by your side.  You are not alone, and you are worthwhile.  The process may be hard and it may get messy, but it leads to freedom, grace and peace for those who train themselves by it.  Open yourself up to receive!

For further thought: “Now all of us, with our faces unveiled, reflect the glory of the Lord as if we are mirrors; and so we are being transformed, metamorphosed, into His same image from one radiance of glory to another, just as the Spirit of the Lord accomplishes it,” (2 Cor. 3:18 VOICE).  Think of a chrysalis metamorphosing into a beautiful butterfly.  What are the ways God is trying to help you metamorphose?  Feel free to share with the rest of the Dented Fender crowd!