My Dented Fender Goes MIA!

It started out as that kind of night.  Great friend, good food, nice wine, wonderful music, deep conversation – the kind of evening that makes life worthwhile.  The kind of evening you smile about days later.  Until suddenly it wasn’t.  I walked outside to discover an undeniable fact: my car was gone. 

Now my car is nothing particularly special.  But as any dented fender fan knows, it has come to symbolize a lot of cool things to me.  So to have it stolen even after I had carefully parked it under a street light and left it for less than 2 hours – and yes, it’s alarmed – was disheartening to say the least.

My reaction?  Not so pretty.  I’m not one to scream or carry on and I tend to be very calm during crisis, and this night was no exception.  What was different was how I felt internally.  Normally, I take life’s road bumps pretty much in stride.  God has taught me that.  After all, cars are stolen.  It’s a sad fact, but no one was injured or killed, no one was being carted off to the hospital.  It’s just a car, and a dented one at that, and it’s replaceable.  Intellectually I knew all of this.  I think I even verbalized it.  My friend actually commented about how I have such a good perspective on things.  But internally something else was brewing inside of me, something ugly.

Do you ever have those days where you’re going along just fine until there’s that one last thing that happens, that one event, big or small, that instantly erodes you away on the inside?  It’s the proverbial straw and you feel your back snapping even as the event unfolds.  Well, that’s how having my car stolen felt.  By the next day I went from It’s only a car, to Why me?  Do I have a cosmic “kick me” sign taped on my back or something?!  It’s my dented fender car, for crying out loud.  Someone took my symbol of overcoming adversity by giving me MORE adversity.  Does the world have a sick sense of humor?  Where is God in all of this?!  And on and on and on.  Ever been there?

Sometimes when we’re emotionally fragile, life’s challenges undo us.  Our natural strength and resiliency evaporate leaving us feeling betrayed and alone.  We may not even realize we’re in a place that’s fragile until an event hits the exposed nerve we didn’t know was there.  But once we see it, man does it hurt!  And we end up feeling emotionally raw and reacting to not just an event, but to a fear about bigger picture items in our life.  We begin to doubt our worth.

So while I was wrestling all of this out with God, venting and shedding a few tears and wondering why I seem to always get the short end of life’s stick, He was quietly moving behind the scenes, as He’s prone to do, lining things up for me.  The emails, the phone calls, the generous offers by more than a few people to borrow their spare cars, the large gift card that showed up in my jacket pocket after church, and care shown by those closest to me who knew I was impacted by this in a greater way than just losing a car would warrant were amazing to me.  In the midst of the yuck, all of these people surrounded me showing me the many, many blessings I have in my life.  I knew without a doubt I mattered and I was loved.

Isn’t that how it goes?  We face challenges, big and small, and sometimes we take our eyes off of our guide, the Holy Spirit, and lose our way.  But the people we know and love, sometimes even complete strangers, show up and encourage us, reminding us of something greater outside of the momentary challenge.  We’re stretched; we learn and grow; we move forward with greater wisdom and peace, along with the few extra gray hairs, remembering life is so much bigger than our circumstances.  We have something so much greater out there waiting for us, something above and beyond what this broken world can offer us.  Yet while we’re here, we get to see glimpses of it in the love and compassion we receive from those around us.

Now I’m happy to report the car did reappear, apparently none the worse for wear.  So my dented fender has returned to me.  But as I was driving around in a very nice, plush rental car for those few days, I was reminded I won’t always be driving in a slightly damaged vehicle.  God had better things in store for me.  And maybe, just maybe, being reminded once again that I am so much more than my circumstances helps add value to the experience. 

So if you find yourself going along in life and your proverbial car gets stolen, remember you’re not alone.  And remember that word of encouragement from the guy who drives in your car along with you, Jesus: “I have told you these things so that you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NIV)

For further thought:  “So we’re not giving up.  How could we!  Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.  These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us.  There’s far more here than meets the eye.  The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow.  But the things we can’t see now will last forever.”  (2 Cor. 4:17-28, MSG)  When do you find yourself tempted to give up?  Don’t forget look for God’s grace unfolding all around you during these times so you can be encouraged to keep moving forward!

Feeling Safe in Church

I remember the first time I decided to go back to a church.  I sat toward the rear of the sanctuary with silent tears streaming down my face nearly the whole time.  I had come from a place where legalism and harshness were the norm. For the first time in a long time, I was sitting in a place that exuded grace, compassion and mercy.  I was so struck by the contrast I couldn’t contain my emotion.  It was such a healing place for me. 

After a few weeks, I talked with the minister and let him know my background and circumstances.  When I did, he gave me a priceless gift.  He told me all he wanted me to do was just come.  I didn’t need to get involved.  I didn’t need to lead anything.  I didn’t even need to give money.  Just come, heal and get spiritually strong again.  That was it.  There was no angle, no future expectation.  Just come and heal.  For the first time since I was a young girl, I felt safe in church again.  It was a freeing, incredible experience. 

Religion can sometimes give us a nasty black eye.  Well meaning people with warped views of God and the Bible can inflict incredible damage on one another all with the intention of saving and helping.  Sometimes we’ve been that well-meaning person.  Yet despite all that, I knew God had called me into community.  You see it all over the bible both practically (they were always together) and specifically (“Do not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing” – Hebrews 10:25).  How do you reconcile this?

Now the easiest thing to do would be to just run!  Why bother with all this religion stuff?!  It just hurts and it’s messy.  People are messy.  So many of us hold onto a love for God, but we ignore spiritual relationships, and we ignore the bible in particular.  I know I have. 

For me, it was a process.  I had to start separating out God from what people had said.  I had to be reminded the bible isn’t there to beat me over the head – it’s all stated with love and hope for my best life outcome. I had to step back and re-examine for myself who I am before God, what my personal boundaries should be based on how God feels about me, and look for answers on how to deal with others in a way that’s genuine but still loving when they’re trying to press their will onto me.

Ultimately, we’re wired to need people.  Research has shown time and time again we need that connection, that sense of community to flourish.  And I had to look at the second half of the scripture in Hebrews 10:25.  It says we shouldn’t give up meeting together, but listen to the why –so we may encourage one another!   Our role isn’t to fix, it’s to put courage back into each other over and over again. 

Now I know there are times I need to hear things from someone who cares enough to point out a truth to me.  After all, I tend to be the least objective with myself.   Hard things may need to be said and challenges may need to be offered up for my consideration. But it should be done with the greatest respect, the greatest love and deep humility.  We are none of us perfect.  We are all hopelessly flawed.  Love allows  me to accept as I’m ready to receive without judgment. 

So don’t give up on church.  Don’t give up on people.  The reward is worth the work involved.  And when you find a place that offers you truth covered in a blanket of unconditional acceptance and love, know you have found a good home. 

For further thought:  If you haven’t found place of worship that resonates with you, don’t stop searching!  There’s no such thing as a perfect church since it will by definition be filled up with imperfect people – you and me included!  Remind yourself of Proverbs 17:17: “A true friend loves regardless of the situation, and a real brother exists to share the tough times.” Those kinds of spiritual relationships are worth the effort and the wait.

The Whisperers

I was sitting around the other day thinking about how implausible my dreams are.  Do you ever have those times where you wonder why on earth you think you’re able to do something?  It can be the ability to heal a broken relationship, get out of debt, find inner peace and joy, succeed financially or being able to develop deeper relationships.  Whatever it is, if it’s something big and important, something that inherently carries with it the ability to not only succeed but to spectacularly fail, I find I can be paralyzed by it.

Nobody wants to fail, right?  So in my moments of fear, I begin to worry it won’t happen, whatever my “it” may be.  I won’t get that promotion, heal that emotional wound, move forward in victory—I’m sure I’ll fall right on my face.  Then the negative whisperers move in.  You ever meet them?  They’re those voices in your head saying you not only won’t do it, but you never could do it and it was arrogant to believe you might be able to do it to begin with. 

They’re a nasty lot, these whisperers.  They love to mimic people in your mind, some long dead, and disguise themselves as someone whose approval you’ve valued.  They can take on the face of your mom or dad, an enemy or friend, a significant relationship, or even God.  Sometimes they’ll pose as all of the above, leaving you feeling hopeless and helpless, chastising yourself for ever having the audacity to dream big.

But as I was sitting there listening to those nasty whisperers trying to gnaw away at my soul, I began to hear another voice.  This voice was calling my name, trying to get my attention.  It came from a place of love and understanding, of genuine care and concern.  This voice whispered, Stop! Listen to me.  You are everything to me and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.   

Then the voice reminded me of three scriptures, one of which reads:

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the believers, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory…” (Eph.3:16f)

Silent tears rained gently down my face as my dad showed up and reminded me He was there to strengthen me with His power.  His love for me is beyond what I can comprehend but in that moment He was filling me with it, reminding me that He’s able to accomplish so much more than my current “it” issue.  My dad knows how to pull the bullies off me, wipe the dirt off my face, fill me with courage and send me forward again with faith.  You see my dad is the biggest Dad on the block and no one is able to defeat Him.  He is in my corner, fighting for my cause.  I have nothing to fear.

Guess what?  He’s your dad, too!  He loves you and longs to connect with you, to chase those nasty whisperers away from you and fill your heart and mind with love, vision, compassion and peace.  And if you let Him, He’ll fill you again with confidence so you can walk back out onto the playground of life, ready. 

For further thought:  What do the whisperers in your head tell you?  Take a hard look at those negative though patterns in your life, write them down, then cross them out and write God’s truth right next to it.  While you can do this in your head, it is a very powerful experience to actually do it on paper.  If you don’t know the truths to replace the lies with, a great place to start is at biblegateway.com.  You can find every version of the bible online there, and you can type in key words like worthy, love, grace and forgiveness and find several scriptures on each topic.  I promise you the result will be worth the effort!

Still need help?  Post a few of your negative whispers and I’ll post a few scriptures for you to consider. Or you can always email me at ennoiaministries@gmail.com.  Blessings!

Barb