A Condemned Heart

I am my own worst critic.  No one can be harder on me than myself.  I am amazed sometimes by the negative self-talk I can let go on in my head.  I am cutting; I am harsh.  I say things to myself that were anyone else to say to me, I would never speak to them again.  I would be shocked and horrified anyone could be that cruel and that rude.  Let that soak in for a minute …

I talk a lot about replacing the lies we tell ourselves with what is true.  I’m not talking about not owning your actions; I am talking about remembering that God is bigger than your actions, and is able to heal you and propel you forward to new spaces, not because you and I earn it, but because God is that good.  He is also greater than the worry we cling to, convinced somehow that all that worrying will somehow prove our worth and our concern, even though every expert out there says the opposite – including God! (Luke 12:25)    

How many times have you ripped yourself to shreds, telling yourself you are too gullible, too stupid, too crass, too fat, too lazy, too anal, too ugly, too selfish – and the list goes on and on.  And when we’re in times of struggle, it’s especially easy to do.  Our failures get marched out one by one, kicking us in the heart and wounding our souls.  We feel accused; we feel condemned.  We begin to think that last mistake, that one action, that one horrible circumstance is all that life has in store for us.  It’s such lie!

Remember, God specializes in making beauty from ashes, and strength from fear (Isaiah 61:3).  It’s what He does best.  He is the Great I Am, the Great Physician and Healer of Hearts.  The Bible teaches that Satan is the great accuser, not God (Revelation 12:10).  God’s heart is to rescue us for something greater.

In 1 John 3:18-23, we are told, “My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. And friends, once that’s taken care of and we’re no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we’re bold and free before God! We’re able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we’re doing what he said, doing what pleases him. Again, this is God’s command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us.” 

I love this passage because it reminds me that at the end of the day, love is ultimately what matters.  If I’m motivated from a place of love, even toward myself, I find God’s peace and feel emotionally centered.  When I remember Jesus’ sacrifice for me, I remember I live under the command of grace, and that there’s nothing that can separate me from the incredible love God has laid out for me through His Son.  Doing so reminds me to grab a hold of the great worth God places over me, a worth that was so great, Jesus died to give it to me.  Love is what sets my heart to rest in His presence, and allows me to place my life—including my thoughts, fears and worries—squarely back where it belongs: in God’s hands.

For Further Thought:  What are some of the negative thoughts that like to invade your heart and mind?  How could God’s commands of grace and love make those thoughts different?  Remember, giving love to others doesn’t save us; it’s what God uses to remind us we’re saved.        

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Destroying Doubt

If hope is what keeps us moving and motivated, doubt is the emotional buzz kill.  It's the thought that creeps in just a moment or two after the brilliant insight or idea we had, or after we've finally landed in a place of trust and peace for where God can take us on our journey.  It's the whisper in our head that causes us to hesitate mid-stride, and the one thing that can defeat us before we even start to move. 

Doubt is insidious. When I look at the very first time doubt entered the human equation, it was subtle, and seemingly innocent.  The crafty serpent asked Eve, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"  Eve, initially confused, answers, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden ..."  She thinks some more, and adds, "... but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit form the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'"  The serpent scoffs, and makes it seem as if God is holding out on her, and even implies she'll get to be like God if she does eat.  The positive attributes of the fruit are highlighted.  And the rest, as they say, is history.  She eats.  Adam eats.  Mankind stumbles and falls.  The world becomes broken.

I have found doubt works the very same way in my life.  When I'm going through hard circumstances, I can doubt God really cares, or that He's looking out for me.  I hear a whisper in my ear that asks, "Did God really say ...?"  I start to question and feel unsure.  Slowly, every negative possibility about my situation is paraded out in front of me.  Sometimes, it's all the positives about going in a different direction than the one God called me to.  I struggle to keep my faith.  My peace and purpose seemingly melt away before my very eyes.  I get twisted up in a negative downward spiral that makes my head spin.

Ever been there?  I suspect we all have.  One of the best weapons I've found during those times is simple, really.  Fight back!  Fight back by reading scriptures that remind you of God's great and enduring love for you, and of how faithful He is to us even when we are faithless with Him.  Fight back by going over your journals, looking at the lessons you've learned and the many ways God has shown up in your life.  If you don't journal yet (which you may want to consider trying), take time to think through all the blessings God has given you in life, and all the ways He has protected you in the past. Fighting in this way increases my faith in God, and in His great purpose for my life.  It reminds me of the many victories we've shared together.  We are each encouraged, after all, "to take up the shield of faith, [with] which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one," (Ephesians 6:16).  In this life, the arrows of doubt will fly.  The trick is to let faith have the last word.

For Further Thought:  How does doubt play out in your life?   What are some ways you can pick up your shield of faith in order to let God have the last word about your situation?

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What Matters Most

It’s been a different sort of month, the kind that makes you reflective, that forces you to stop and re-evaluate life.  There have been some deaths, a birth, cancer battles and personal battles raging all around me.  When life’s seas get that choppy, it’s easy to get swallowed under by the waves and the winds threatening to engulf me.

I’ve had my share of tears.  If God has taught me nothing else, it has been to understand the importance of not keeping the hurt, the anger and the ugly locked deep inside.  Getting it out allows my heart to be cleansed, healed and ultimately refreshed, even though the scars, and the empty places that used to be filled by loved ones, remain.  Still, through it all I have also felt calm, at peace, surrendered.  I have felt God’s presence walking right beside me, holding my hand through it all. 

There’s a scripture I discovered this week that really stood out to me.  It said, “Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.  The heart of the wise is in the house of the mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure,” (Ecclesiastes 7:3-4).  At first, like so much of God’s teachings, it felt counter-intuitive.  How can a sad face and mourning be good and bring wisdom?  It didn’t take long to realize it’s because the hard times make us stop and think.  It’s our challenges that remind us time is short, and we have but one go around here on this planet.  What will we do with the time we are given?

I’ve never once heard a story about anyone wishing they’d had more possessions, more money and stuff, or worked longer hours as they lay on their deathbed.  My friends battling cancer aren’t concerned about how nice the car is they are driving, either.  What I have heard, time and time again, is the importance of fearlessly pursuing your dreams, grabbing a hold of the people you love and keeping them close, and giving back to the world in ways big and small.  It’s been about making a positive difference in the lives others. 

For me, understanding what makes life valuable and important, and then living in such a way as to make those things my priorities, and the drivers behind my decisions and choices, is a gift.  It is the good God seeks for my heart, the wisdom that it born from times of adversity.  It’s what makes my today richer, and my tomorrow free of fear.  I am more grateful, more aware, more humble, and more giving.  I reflect on the many blessings I have, which propels me to keep walking forward in God’s strength until I am called home.    

For Further Thought:  “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.  For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.  For, ‘All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever.’  And this is the word that was preached to you,” (1 Peter 1:22-25).  This week, look for ways to express your love for others.  Take some time to make sure you are really walking in God’s dreams for your life, and adjust your course if necessary. 

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Friendship Choices

A true friend is one of the greatest gifts we can be given on this earth.  I’ve had periods in my life with few deep friendships, and those were without a doubt some of the hardest times emotionally for me.  Interestingly, they weren’t the times I’ve gone through the hardest circumstances; sometimes my circumstances were just fine.  Rather, I felt alone on my journey and isolated.  The bone crushing, heart wrenching times in my life have been brutal to be sure, but I have been blessed to have deep, close, honest relationships during most of those storms, and that in and of itself makes the storm much more bearable.

God tells us, “A true friend loves regardless of the situation, and a real brother exists to share the tough times” (Pr. 17:17, MSG).  So many, many times, it has been my close relationships that have helped me hear God’s voice and to move away from adversity and ahead toward light and freedom.  I believe God gives us friendships for that reason.  Consider the following:

“ Wounds from a friend can be trusted,” (Pr. 27:6a NIV)

“A man’s counsel is sweet to his friend.” (Pr. 27:9b NASB)

“A despondent person deserves kindness from his friend, even though he strays from the fear of the Highest One.” (Job 6:14 VOICE)

“Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (Pr. 18:24 MSG)

“Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.” (Jn. 15:11-13 MSG)

“By yourself you’re unprotected.  With a friend you can face the worst.  Can you round up a third?  A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.” (Ecc. 4:12 MSG)

Obviously, friendship is not only important to God, it’s part of what we need in order to truly understand God’s love and connect more deeply with our creator – not just the giving of friendship, but the receiving of friendship from others.  Yet the Bible also makes clear not every friend is equal.  Some friends come and go; some stay by our side no matter what happens.  Some can be trusted; other’s can hurt you.  Proverbs 12:26 puts it this way, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (NIV)

There are many examples of positive friendships in the Bible – Jonathon and David, Elijah and Elisha, Naomi and Ruth, Paul and Timothy to name a few.  These were priceless relationships where each person helped the other to grow, strengthen and move forward in life powerfully.  But there are also some very negative examples of relationships in the Bible – Cain and Abel, Samson and Delilah, Jezebel and Ahab, and even Barnabas and Paul.  Some of these relationships were downright destructive.  Each person spurred the other on toward evil, bitterness and heartache.  In the case of Barnabas and Paul, they sharply disagreed on an issue and parted paths.  Their friendship was deep and powerful for a season, but their journey’s diverged and they went separate ways.  Neither path was wrong; they were just different.

I’ve learned one of the secrets to having those strong friendships that spur you on toward powerful growth is to be intentional about whom you pull into your life.  Not all friends are created equal, and some friends who were perfect for one season may not be the best fit for the current season we find ourselves in.  Just understanding those two statements puts great power at our fingertips – the power to choose a person (yes, we get to choose!) who actually helps build us up and the power to realize sometimes a person is no longer the best companion to move forward with on our journey.  The first helps us to surround ourselves with people who genuinely “get” us and have our best interests at heart.  The second frees us from the guilt we can sometimes experience when a friend, despite our best efforts, no longer does “get” us and isn’t going to necessarily help us make the best choices moving forward.  It hurts; it’s hard, and tears may be shed, but it’s a normal part of the process.

No one is perfect, myself included!  Friends have let me down, even the best ones in my life, and I have let them down.  But because we are close, I cut them slack, just as God (and my true friends!) cut me slack.  And working through those challenges together makes us better people.  It's worth the effort.  Unfortunately, there are still times a friendship needs to come to an end.  To discern this I’ve learned to ask myself some basic questions: do I consistently feel like I'm less or bad about myself after spending time with this person?  Do they respect me and honor my personal boundaries?  Do they have a tendency to bring out the worst in me?  Do they take the time to understand, or do they jump to conclusions?  If a consistent, negative pattern emerges, I’ve learned to respectfully but firmly bring the relationship to a close. And when I have opened up that space, stronger and richer relationships have been allowed to enter in.

All of us need relationships.  Research shows time and time again the benefit of having genuine, close friends.  Such friends are gifts.  They are the ones who are there for me through thick or thin, come hell or high water.  They are the ones who are willing to tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.  And even if I don’t listen, they still love me, accept me, and make me feel safe and secure in our friendship.  They don’t tell me, “I told you so.”  They don’t judge me.  They just love me and are committed to helping me on my journey, and I do the same for them.  These are special, intentional relationships.  These are the relationships to water, cultivate and grow.

For further thought:  Researcher and author Brené Brown says, “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. [It’s] the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”   What does this mean to you?  Post your thoughts :-)