Climbing a Pile of Bones

Yes, I admit it.  I’m a Lord of the Rings trilogy nerd.  I’ve watched every single movie multiple times with my sons, including the Director’s cut extended versions.  My sons would say I’m a wannabe fan since I don’t know the name of every character, every piece of jewelry and the powers it contains, etc.  But any movie I’m willing to watch again and again is, for me, serious commitment. 

In the extended version of The Return of the King, there’s this really bizarre deleted scene where Aragorn, who becomes the king, and his friends are under a mountain in a cavernous, dark cave.  Suddenly, out of the dark recesses, comes wave after wave of dried up human bones.  They literally almost seem to drown in this sea of death.  The characters keep trying to climb up and up, but the bones slip out beneath their weight and they slide further and further away from the exit that would lead them to safety and freedom.

I think sometimes I forget that trying to climb through this life using the world’s definitions of success can be a lot like climbing a pile of bones.  I keep thinking just one more step, or that next big achievement, will enable me to exit uncertainty and take me to a place of constant joy and peace.  But just as if I were climbing a true pile of bones, achieving that next big whatever is a shifting foundation.  The joy, peace and satisfaction I feel lasts for a short while, and then my sense of restlessness returns.  So I get sucked back down into what I think I need to do or achieve, or how I can acquire that next thing, or relationship, or accolade, or whatever to find the exit.  Trying to climb a mountain of bones is wearing.

I have learned the incredible value of making sure what I pour and build into in this life is not only of worth, but also has a much firmer foundation than a pile of bones.  Houses and cars can be taken from me.  The stock market goes up and down.  Objects can break or be stolen or devalued.  Even relationships, which I believe are one of the greatest blessings we can experience on this earth, are only temporary, as is my life.  When I depart this earth, it will be with nothing but my soul … and my walk with God.

My relationship with God is ultimately the only thing I have found that consistently brings me true peace and joy.  No one can take it from me.  No one can destroy it.  It’s not dependent on what anyone else does or doesn’t do.  His love for me isn’t even dependent on what I do or don’t do.  It’s eternal, everlasting.  It is the only thing I get to take out of this life with me.

I am amazed sometimes at how much I can put aside what most matters—my relationship with Jesus—for what happens to be most in front of me.  I can tell when I start to do it, too, because that same sense of restlessness, that same neediness of spirit returns, and I catch myself wanting to fill my time to the brim for many, many reasons, usually none of them very good.  In those moments, I have discovered the importance of stepping back and looking at what I’m building in my life.  Am I taking the time to build on a firm foundation with God, or on a foundation of bones that will eventually collapse beneath me, no matter how skilled at climbing I become?  With that reminder, I am able to get back to investing in what most matters in my life, and as I do, my peace and joy return.

For Further Thought: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it has its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash, “ (Matthew 7:24-27).  What can you do this week to be sure you’re building your life on solid rock, not sand?      

Some Cool & Important Updates, Including Info on My Book!

I want to thank you for being a subscriber to The Dented Fender.  Your ongoing readership, support and encouragement have meant the world to me!  We have grown tremendously this last year, all by word of mouth.  I wanted to let you know we are about to pass the 10,000 hits marker – we are so close!  It has been your readership and your efforts that have made this so successful!  I would like to ask you to consider forwarding our blog to anyone you think might find it of value.

I try very hard to keep the blog focused on one thing: applying God's thoughtful wisdom to your current situation in practical steps.  Since that is my end game, I try to keep updates of this nature to a minimum.  I did want to let each of you know, however, I have finally finished my book!  I will have one more editing round, and then it will be shopped out to various publishers.  I am also preparing new class offerings for the fall.  If you would like to receive updates on both the book and upcoming classes (you know me – there won’t be too many!  I can’t stand junk emails!!), please email me at ennoiaministries@gmail.com.  I will be sure to keep you in the loop!

Again, thank you for making what I do so worthwhile!  Keep those suggestions and comments coming!  Each of you helps shape and mold The Dented Fender into becoming a more useful resource.

Blessings, 

Barb Lownsbury

Surrender

Surrender.  I hear God Whispering this word to me a lot.  Maybe it’s because I’m stubborn.  Maybe it’s because I want what I want when I want it.  But when I’m feeling anxious and uptight, when I’m wanting answers and solutions to my questions now, in my timing, I often hear Christ whispering to me, “Let it go and surrender.”

Being the humble, peace-filled soul that I am, one day in a moment of frustration I finally answered back (not too politely, I might add), “God, what does that even mean?  Am I supposed to just let it go and never think about it again?  I’m I supposed to do nothing directive in my life?  I’m tired of hearing this!  I don’t understand!” 

Now God, being a patient, gracious and loving Dad, didn’t smack me down with shame, guilt, or any other negative emotion.  Instead, I felt this sense of love wrap around me, almost like a parent comforting a frustrated child.  He reminded me that surrender isn’t always about giving up my hopes and dreams, or about no longer caring if something does or doesn’t happen; it’s about making sure my dreams are truly God’s dreams for me, and handing over the timing of those dreams firmly into His hands.  It’s also about listening for God’s guidance on what next step to take instead of running ahead in whatever way seems best to me.  It especially means surrendering the outcome to Him on a day-to-day basis.   

Since that pivotal moment, God has continued to instruct me in what it means to surrender in many, many ways.  In relationships, surrendering and letting go hasn’t meant to not care, not invest, not trust or even not love.  It doesn’t mean not being a true friend or walking away.  It has meant knowing I have no power over the outcome, and allowing God to hold onto that outcome for me, and to let go of the emotional energy I try to spend to guarantee an outcome.  It has meant for me to be open, to embrace life, and to be my genuine self, without working an agenda for a prescribed outcome.     

At the end of the day, surrender is about trust.  I hear God saying to me, “Trust is paramount to receive.  Without it, I can’t work.  I can always work around your mistakes, but when you choose to trust, we can bypass those and walk in joy together consistently.  Aren’t you tired of the pain?  I am for you!  Lean into Me by journaling, reading, singing, being in nature-–whatever it takes for you to love Me and know I love you.  I will protect you.”

God has protected me so many times I have lost count.  Now, in those moments of frustration and doubt, when my self-worth is low and my faith is flat lining, I take out my journals.  I re-read the many victories He has blessed me with.  I mentally try to walk through as many of them as I can, both big and small.  I remind myself of this powerful, incredible, transformative love He has for me, and I allow Him to settle my soul.  And then I once again hand Him over the keys, ready to let Him do the driving in my life again.

For Further Thought:  When you’re in a storm, what area of your life do you most want to take control back from God in?  This week, look for ways to keep handing Him back the keys.  Remember: “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one that will keep you on track,” (Proverbs 3:5-6).   

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Riptide

I got caught in a riptide once swimming off the coast of California.  It was a very scary moment!  A riptide is a long band of water in the ocean that has the ability to grab you and suck you away from the shore and out to sea.  They are turbulent currents, and when I got caught in one, I was tossed and tumbled like a rag doll.  My back scrapped against rough rock on the ocean floor, and I was under water for what felt like a very long time.  Now, the trick to surviving a riptide is to stay calm and not struggle.  The people who drown in them are the ones who try to swim and fight their way through.  They run out of energy and drown.  Fortunately, I knew this, so I waited calmly until I resurfaced, and then I was able to swim out of the tide and back to shore, shaky and weak, but alive to tell the story.    

Sometimes, life can feel an awful lot like getting caught in that riptide.  One moment, you’re laughing and having fun; the next your world is turned upside down and you’re looking around dazed and disoriented, wondering what happened.  You feel angry, scared, lost.  The odds seemed stacked against you.  Nothing good seems to be happening around you, or worse, you can’t see or feel those good things because you’re too caught up in the hurt and fear.  I hate those moments!  For me, when I find myself in the midst of a storm, as hard as those emotions are, the harder part is when I can’t seem to find God. 

I love God.  I pray to Him often.  I do my best to listen to and follow Him.  So I expect Him to show up.  I really do!  The challenge for me becomes when I can’t see or feel Him moving.  Intellectually, I can remind myself of all the times He’s delivered me.  I can pull up in front of me the many acts of faithfulness I’ve witnessed.  I can even pull up the times He didn’t come through in the way I wanted Him to, but His path ended up being even better.

When I’m caught in one of life’s riptides, I don’t care about any of that.  All I can see is the swirling storm around me.  My eyes are focused firmly on the stings of my defeats, or on the number of trials I’ve had to go through and how hard they were.  I don’t care if the outcome came out well; I’m tired of having to go through trials—period.  I don’t sense God.  I don’t feel His presence or hear His voice.  And then I feel even more lost and bitter. 

I’ve learned a few important lessons of how to exit life’s riptides over the years.  One is to stop fighting it, and not in the ways you might immediately think of.  I think we all want to stay calm in the face of crisis, to put forth our best, braves selves and to walk in absolute faith and trust that regardless of outcome, God is in control.  Certainly that’s the ideal.  But part of not fighting is also being willing to embrace the messiness of my emotions, of allowing myself to feel what it is I’m feeling, and to acknowledge those dark corners in my heart and mind. 

Sometimes I have to remind myself it’s okay to feel, even if what I’m feeling is ugly.  If I try to suck it up and act like everything’s okay, the pressure just builds and builds until all that pain and fear comes out anyway, usually in less than constructive ways.  But if I embrace and own it, allowing myself to have that moment (or many moments!), crying out before God, something amazing happens.  Slowly but surely, God begins to turn my heart around.  He reminds me of His divine protection in a way I can begin to feel again.  I sense His presence wrapped around me as I’m ripped through that tide, protecting me and guiding me. 

Ephesians 5:12 says, “When the light shines, it exposes even the dark and shadowy things and turns them into pure reflections of light. This is why they sing, Awake, you sleeper! Rise from your grave, and the Anointed One will shine on you.”  I have experienced this so many times that now, instead of running from my fears or my emotions, stuffing them deep inside, I remind myself to turn and embrace them.  Then God’s light can reach those dark recesses and turn them into something different.  It’s rarely instantaneous.  I may feel like I’m holding my breath for quite some time.  But I emerge, with new wisdom and insight wrapped under my belt, and with joy energizing my spirit for the journey ahead. 

For Further Thought:  “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them,” (Isaiah 42:6).  Within your challenge, what are some emotions or thoughts you may need to own?  Make time to get these out with God so He can begin to shine His light into your situation.  NEXT WEEK: I will share another important lesson about how to move through the storm …

The Balancing Act

Picture a tightrope walker, high above the big top, balancing precariously on a thin stretch of rope only an inch wide, long pole in hand, slowly walking forward one carefully laid step at a time.  One wrong move, and the walker will come plunging down to earth in a painful, big heap.  You never know what’s going to happen.  No wonder it’s so thrilling to watch!  

In life, for most of us, walking a tight rope isn’t so thrilling to live out.  The tension, the fear, the absolute concentration to make the best next step can be wearing and tear at our spirit.  This is especially true in our walk with God.  When you are working through challenges with God, especially hard challenges, it is really easy to take wrong steps, and to crash and burn as a consequence.

What I have learned is the importance of balance.  I can’t ignore my challenges that are in front of me or allow them to consume me, either.  Let’s unpack this.  No one likes hard, emotional challenges.  They’re messy, they can be painful, and facing them requires bravery and courage.  Yet without facing up to the challenge, we can’t ever overcome it and change.  Americans tend to be horrible at this, partly because of our culture.  We’re told to suck it up, to “Just do it.”  Forget taking the time to examine your steps, or figuring out what’s really lurking in your heart; just run ahead and eventually you’ll get somewhere. 

Unfortunately, where we land isn’t always better.  We get wiped out spiritually, emotionally and physically.  We feel lost and alone inside, all while putting out a positive, can do smile to the world around us.  We work very hard to convince ourselves we’re fine, that everything will be fine, but inside our spirit knows this isn’t true.  We keep running into walls, wondering why God isn’t helping us move forward. 

Sometimes, I think I run from facing challenges because I’m afraid of falling off into the opposite end of the spectrum, of drowning in a sea of pain and fear, of self-loathing and doubt.  And we’ve all met people like that, people so wrapped up in their own personal hell they can’t see the forest from the trees anymore.  Their pain consumes them.  They’ve run into a wall of another kind, and they’re lost, dazed.

Thankfully, God doesn’t expect us or even want us to live that way!  He doesn’t want us to ignore our internal challenges, nor does He want to see us swallowed by them.  None of us want to be the woman described in Proverbs 5:6: “She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly –rocky, pit-filled roads that twist and turn--but she does not know it.”  What I have learned, what has been so transformative in my life, has been the secret of spiritual balance. 

Now, I take the time to look head-on at my challenges, but I do it in the context of God’s grace.  The challenge with only taking time to see where you are falling short is you forget to remember God loves you wholly and completely where you are at right now, in this very moment.  I find personally the more I take the time to acknowledge God's strengths within me, the easier it becomes to really acknowledge and let go of the sin/weaknesses that He's already pardoned within me.   The enemy wants to crush our spirit and take us to dark, lonely places; godly brokenness about our sin makes us deeply grateful and motivates us to change from a place of love.  I know I am being refined because even though God loves me for exactly who I am in this moment, He loves me too much to leave me there.  He doesn’t want to see me running into walls.  He wants to see me soar higher than I’ve ever gone before. 

So don’t be afraid to face your demons, your challenges, your heartache and your pain.  You can’t be set free from what you refuse to acknowledge and bring into the light (James 5:16).  But do this within the framework of God’s truths for you, taking the time first and foremost to remember the incredible strengths, gifts, talents and blessings He has placed in your life, so you don’t lose heart.  Then, God can shine, “in the darkness, [on] those sitting in the shadow of death, showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace,” (Luke 1:79).

For Further Thought:  Hebrews 12:2-3 tells us, “So take a fresh grip on life and brace your trembling limbs. Don’t wander away from the path but forge steadily onward. On the right path the limping foot recovers strength and does not collapse.”  Take some time this week to consider your strengths, and also your challenges, then pray for God to direct your next steps forward toward healing.