Double Dented

It was a snowy day, and I was in a parking lot chock full of cars.  Several of us were leaving a meeting at the same time, so there was lots of cars moving and—you guessed it—I got rear-ended.  It was a fairly gentle tap, but the worry of whether or not there was damage didn’t even enter my mind.  You see, I was driving my car with the dented fender.

My very first blog entry was about how I got that dent in my car to begin with, and how it began to symbolize something much bigger, much more profound in my life.  Yet what struck me in that moment was the absolute, complete lack of worry or fear I had as I felt the impact.  I was actually more worried for the other person’s car!  After all, mine already had a dink in it, and it ran just fine.  There really wasn’t a whole lot of ways to make it worse!

Now maybe it’s odd that my car teaches me things.  I promise it doesn’t talk to me or anything!  Still, I couldn’t help but reflect on the hurt and anger I felt the first time I learned my car had a nice sized crater in the rear bumper versus this time.  I realized that, once again, I’m having a parallel experience in my own life. 

Back when I was going through the deep, life-altering circumstances of divorce, foreclosure and bankruptcy, single parenting, and starting all over in a new career, I felt so much anger!  So much pain!  I spent many a night on my knees, crying out to God, praying for solutions and direction.  There was no real light at the end of the tunnel, just the tiniest of pinpoints simply because I knew deep in my soul God wouldn’t fail me.   I clung to God and that pinpoint with all I was worth.

Most of all, I begged God to protect my heart.  I didn’t want to become bitter.  I didn’t want to become a grim statistic, yet another victim of ugly circumstances, crushed under the weight of a burden I wasn’t strong enough to carry.  And God showed up for me.  Again, and again … and again.  It felt like He literally carried me through that time, gently, lovingly, wisely.   He gave me answers; He gave me direction and lit my path so I couldn’t miss it.  Even when I veered to the right or the left, it was so bright I could always find my way back.  He sorted through the rubble of my life, and helped me find incredible jewels that could only be revealed through the breaking. 

When I think of those days, and I compare them to where I’m at now, just a few short years later, I’m absolutely blown away.  I have a business that is thriving and continues to grow.  My children and I have become incredibly close, and they continue to thrive and grow.  I even bought a house!  Who knew it would all turn out so incredibly well?  God did!

Curiously enough, last month I faced a challenge that was like a flashback to harder, more challenging times.  It was deeply personal; it involved those I love most in this world; it exposed me in ways I’m normally not comfortable with, and there was really very little I could do to change it.  I had to let it go to God, and allow Him to take it over for me.  Only this time, I felt an odd sense of peace about it.  There were long prayers, yes, but no nights on my knees, no crying out in fear and doubt.  Why?  I’d been there before, and God had seen me through.  Not only that, but he’d done some pretty cool things inside me and the ones I love through the process.  So I was at peace in the midst of the storm; I knew without a doubt God would help me. 

Now I’m not saying I don’t struggle anymore.  That would be a lie!  Instead, I’m learning how to let go of outcome, trusting in God’s divine direction.  He will lead you!  So wherever you’re at on your journey, whether you’re once again facing some difficult circumstances or you’re working through that very first big, emotional dent, know that God loves you.  Even if you feel broken, remember God helps you find the most precious, the most valuable, the most coveted inner jewels of all amidst the rubble. 

For Further Thought:  Jesus’ brother James tells us, “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.  You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.  So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely.  Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not lacking anything,” (James 1:2-4).  No, he wasn’t a sadist (though I used to wonder!).  He knew, in a very deep and profound way, the incredible blessings that would come from trials.  Let that be your pinpoint of light if you need it to be, and remember--you are not alone!  God will carry you if you let Him. 

The Wrestling Match

There is an interesting story in the Old Testament about a wrestling match.  Now I don’t believe anyone was wearing a really cool WWF costume or anything, but if pay per view were around, I think it would’ve been a huge hit! 

It all starts with this guy named Jacob.  Now Jacob was a trickster.  He had already stolen his older twin brother Esau’s birthright, which was a big deal back then because the oldest son inherited everything!  Later, he also stole his father’s blessing away from Esau.  Now Esau planned to kill Jacob, so he fled to another area.

Interestingly, Jacob was declared at birth to be the one who would be in charge and receive God’s blessing, even though it was against the cultural norm of his day.  But Jacob never trusted that.  He manipulated; he cajoled.  He didn’t trust he would receive blessing.  Now God spoke to Jacob.  He rescued Jacob more than once from precarious situations.  Still, Jacob had a hard time trusting God.

Over 20 years later, Jacob is met by angels, and then decides to send word to meet with Esau in order to reconcile with his brother.  Esau accepts, but when Jacob learns he’s bringing 400 men with him, he panics. He comes up with this elaborate plan in an effort to keep all he has safe.  The bible says he was “in great fear and distress,” (Genesis 32:7).  And no wonder!  Esau had plenty of reasons to go after his younger brother.

In this moment of fear and doubt, Jacob does something I love.  He drops to his knees and prays.  He reminds God of His promise to bless Jacob, and humbly asks God to protect him.  Still, in his heart Jacob is unsure. 

All alone the eve before he’s to meet his brother, a man shows up.  The man is no ordinary man, either, but an angel.  Somehow, the two start wrestling.  Now Jacob is no longer a young buck, but he refuses to quit.  These two literally wrestle until dawn!  The angel finally taps into his super natural power to dislocate Jacob’s hip, and still Jacob won’t let go!  Why?  He wanted a blessing.  And so he was blessed, and given the name Israel.  The rest, as they say, is history.

I can relate to Jacob.  God has shown me time and again that He has my back, that He loves me and will protect me.  Yet there I am, down on the floor wrestling with my emotions and fears late into the night.  I can argue with God; fight with Him.  I remind Him of things that clearly He doesn’t need to be reminded of, though, of course, I do!  I have a hard time trusting He will do all He has promised, even though He has always been faithful to me. 

It’s in those moments of doubt, in those moments of testing, I have learned the importance of continuing to wrestle, to never surrender.  Oh, I’ve definitely lost some matches here and there.  I’ve taken my lumps.  But I’ve also learned the power of getting back in the ring, of refusing to let my own inner battles keep me from seeing God’s hand.  And surprisingly, the more I learn to keep wrestling until I receive and believe God’s blessing, the less I have to wrestle.  Faith built over time has taught me that God really is true to His word, whether or not I believe in the moment.

God did, of course, protect Jacob.  Esau actually ran to Jacob, tears in his eyes, happy to reunite with his little brother.  And while clearly God would have blessed Jacob without him having to wrestle through the night, God knew Jacob needed to wrestle.  He knew Jacob would most grow through the process.

So don’t quit wrestling!  It’s hard; it can be mentally exhausting.  Take breaks when you need to, but don’t you quit!  When the dawn breaks—and it will break—you’ll find yourself at a place of surrendered peace, trusting in God’s blessing.

For Further Thought:  “You have faith in God, whose power will protect you until the last day.  Then he will save you, just as he has always planned to do.  On that day you will be glad, even if you have to go through many hard trials for a while.  Your faith will be like gold that has been tested in a fire. And these trials will prove that your faith is worth much more than gold that can be destroyed. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory,” (1 Peter 1:5-7).

Let Go

There are times where I’m tempted to buy into the lie that I need one thing or another to be complete.  It can be a relationship, a certain position, a dollar amount in the bank, a number on the scale, etc.  Personally, I believe it’s okay that I want certain things in life.  After all, there is tremendous blessing and freedom in financial independence.  Taking care of myself physically adds to my life’s quality.  A great career brings a sense of satisfaction, and a great relationship is one of the most rewarding experiences life can offer.  Where I can get tripped up is in thinking those things in and of themselves are enough.

The best example I can think of with this is my children.  I love them deeply!  My life is richer and better for having them.  They have brought out qualities in me, both good and bad, that I wouldn’t have discovered any other way.  They have helped me to grow in my character, my selflessness, and in my ability to love unconditionally.  Having them in my life has made me a better person, and they bring me great joy.  But my kids can’t “complete” me; they can’t entirely fulfill me, nor is it fair to try to make them do so.  I still need to be happy in who I am and how I live my life both with—and without—my children around. 

I’ve learned being surrendered about the things I want in life doesn’t mean giving up on my dreams.  It doesn’t mean letting go of all I desire.  Instead, it means letting go of the timing, and trusting that if I really do need it, God will give it to me. 

God’s love and care for us is extraordinary!  He wants only good things for us.  He wants everyone to see, “that his banner over [us] declares his love,” (SS 2:4).   And as I sit under His banner, sometimes waiting patiently and sometimes taking very intentional steps toward where He’s calling me to go, I experience the most priceless gift from being in His presence: true, abiding love.  Beside Him I find peace, joy and a sense of worth that cannot be taken from me no matter my circumstance, or what I do or don’t have.  I feel fulfilled. 

Jesus tells us, “Would any of you give your hungry child a stone, if the child asked for some bread? Would you give your child a snake if the child asked for a fish?  As bad as you are, you still know how to give good gifts to your children. But your heavenly Father is even more ready to give good things to people who ask,” (Matthew 7:9-11).  God wants to bless us.  He doesn’t want us to be afraid to ask!   

Yet note what comes right before this passage in verse 8: “Everyone who asks will receive.  Everyone who searches will find.  And the door will be opened for everyone who knocks.”  Asking, seeking and knocking involve action on my part, an intentional decision to reach toward God and His timing instead of just going it on my own in whatever manner seems best to me.   The more I’ve learned to do so, the more I’ve received His abundant blessings.  And let me tell ya – His blessings are always worth the wait!

For Further Thought:  Jeremiah 29:11-12 tells us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.  “Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future.”  What is something you really want in your life?  When are you most tempted to not trust God to bless you with it?  Think of something you can do in those moments to trust more deeply in God’s timing and His answers. 

Pandora's Box

Being brave, grabbing a better vision for your life, and making choices to move toward growth and healing is one of the most powerful processes you can embark on.  When you do, you will find not only do you move closer to who God's called you to be, but you become a blessing to those around you.  Yet anytime I have reached toward positive growth, I've noticed I tend to get hit head on by challenges and circumstances that can knock the wind out of what I'm trying to do.   It can be a bit like opening Pandora’s box.  Remember Pandora?  She’s the mythological Greek lady who was so curious to discover what was inside a box she was told not to open, she opened it anyway, and all sorts of evils were released into the world.  In other words, things got really, really bad for a time.  Yet when she got to the bottom of the box, Pandora discovered an important weapon in combating all those evils – hope. 

As you start working through what’s blocking you, don’t be surprised if it feels harder before it feels better.  It doesn’t mean you’ve taken a bad detour; it means you’re one step closer to grabbing a hold of genuine hope and vision for your life waiting for you at the end.  Holding onto your vision as you work through such challenges is crucially important.  It keeps you from losing heart.  Sometimes we’re like a baby who wants to stay in that dirty diaper—at least it’s comfortable and we know and understand it.  Give yourself permission to take breaks when you need them, but don’t quit!  You will get there.  God has promised you, and He’s true to his word. 

Be sure to do things that nourish your spirit as you go through this life season.  When dealing with all the challenge, it’s easy to get lost in the struggle.  Take time for yourself, however small.  Get that manicure; take that walk; drive and listen to the station you like at the volume you prefer.  Watch that movie you know you’ll love.  Take a nap.  Get out in nature.  Play that round of golf.  Do whatever it is that makes your heart smile, and remind yourself of the many blessings you do have.   

Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8:

“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].” (AMP)

You will have to deal with a lot of ugly as you work through your challenge, but don’t forget to look for the good things all around you, too.  Search for it if need be!  And remember—God is holding your hand through the process.  It is a roller coaster ride with many highs and lows, but with God, over time, the ride evens out and you will disembark to continue forward on your life’s journey, better for the process.

For Further Thought:  This week, take some preemptive measures to get yourself ready for the challenges that lie ahead.   Make a list of all the blessings you have in your life.  Not only will you feel encouraged when you do, but when you're feeling attacked and defeated, you can take out your list and remind yourself of your blessings.  And think of 1 sure-fire thing you do that always refreshes your spirit.  Make a decision to do just that the next time you're feeling overwhelmed by your emotions or circumstances.