I Wanna See You Be Brave!

Think of all the movies and books out there with the word “brave” in the title. There’s Braveheart, Brave, Home of the Brave, and Brave New World just to name a few.  If we then added all of the movies and books that have bravery as their theme, it would morph into a seriously long list!  Bravery is one of the words we love.  It brings to mind greatness, victory.  When I watch these movies or read these books it seems there’s always someone who is brave in the face of tremendous challenge, who unfailingly sticks to a greater purpose and vision and never waivers in their belief, even when everyone else around them does.  They have integrity and honor.  They never fail.  I sit up a little straighter when I hear about them.  It makes me want to be a better person.

I wish I could be one of those people.  I really do!  I want to be this fearless warrior who demolishes the enemy against tremendous odds and comes out on top; I want to be the one who, even in failure, has such unshakeable faith in my cause that those around me are inspired.  But the truth is I’m not.  I do fail; I waiver in my vision and in my belief in what can be.  My faith falters.  I suspect yours does, too.

Guess what?  We’re in good company!  One of my favorite characters in the Bible is Moses.  Why?  Because he doubts and waivers like I do.  When God calls him to do extraordinary things, Moses doesn’t snap to attention, jump in and start making history.  Instead, his first response is, “But why me? What makes you think that I could ever go to Pharaoh and lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?” (Ex. 3:11 MSG) 

So God tells Moses He’ll be with him.  He reveals the name He wants to be called by His people to Moses and gives him very specific direction on exactly how to move forward with this vision.  Does Moses finally get excited?  No!  He comes back with, “They won’t trust me. They won’t listen to a word I say. They’re going to say, ‘God? Appear to him? Hardly!’” (Ex 4:1 MSG)

God then does a few miracles for Moses and lets him know He will give Moses special powers to use.  But does our man Moses finally understand God is on his side, find faith, and start taking steps forward? No.  He begins to make excuses about how he isn’t a very good speaker and how he’s actually kinda slow.  God encourages Moses again and tells him He’ll give Moses the words and teach him what to say. 

Okay, even I at this point would begin to believe God had some pretty remarkable plans laid out for me and would really hold my hand and grant me tremendous victory.  Yet this is why I love Moses.  He doesn’t say, “Woohoo, God!  Let’s go!”  Instead, he says, “Please, Lord, I beg you to send Your message through someone else, anyone else.” (Ex. 4:13)

Even then, God doesn’t change His mind about Moses.  He gets angry, yes.  He tells him He’ll let his brother Aaron can come along and speak on Moses’ behalf.  But He never withdraws His vision for Moses.  Nearly two entire chapters of the Bible are devoted to God trying to convince Moses He’s with him (that’s a huge amount of biblical real estate – most of the others we read about who are called by God get a few sentences or a paragraph at best) and Moses is still skeptical.  I can relate to that.  And rather interestingly Aaron never really does speak on Moses’ behalf to the people.  Moses does all the speaking.  God just told Moses what he needed to hear in the moment.

I think we’re all a lot like Moses.   We want to be more like the William Wallace we see in the movie Braveheart, but in reality we, like Moses, question God; we don’t want to understand and ultimately we don’t want to go down the road that lays before us - even when we finally get it’s the right road!  Obviously Moses did some amazing, remarkable things and became one of our greatest bible legends ever.  That’s why I like him.  He reminds me God will still do miraculous things in my life even when I have a hard time believing Him, or in getting myself and my fears out of God’s way. 

There is a quote I love from the book Allegiant by Veronica Roth. It says,

“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.

But sometimes it doesn't.

Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.

That is the sort of bravery I must have now.”

So today, I encourage you to explore what day-to-day bravery looks like – not the William Wallace bravery but the messy, not always straightforward, sometimes wavering bravery of Moses.  I have personally experienced and now believe this kind of daily bravery will bring about many tiny little miracles in your life that over time become the most important miracle of all – the joy and peace that comes from a transformed, renewed life.

For further thought: The late, great Winston Churchill said, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."   Being brave isn’t always about doing big things; it’s about continuing to work on growing day by day.  What is one way you can personally move forward this week?  Feel free to post your action plan!

SUBSCRIBE by email in the right-hand column :-) 

The Ghosts of Demons Past

I used to love horror movies as a kid.  We had an old show called Sir Ghastly Graves that featured classic horror movies from the past – Dracula, the Werewolf, Frankenstein, the Mummy, and various other creepy characters that sent delicious chills down my spine.  I would run inside promptly at show time and watch, slack jawed, as scary creatures chased down unsuspecting victims.  Yet somehow these creatures were always defeated in the end.  There were crosses, holy water, stakes, garlic, silver bullets, fire – it was all quite fascinating to me.

Then one Saturday morning it all changed.   Up until that point all the victims I saw were adults.  In my young mind I reasoned children were immune.  On this particular morning, there was a vampire movie where an innocent child was bitten and turned into a “creature of the night.”  I realized I wasn’t immune from evil after all. 

Now I still watched Sir Ghastly Graves every Saturday after that fateful day, but I also had nightmares every night for two years afterwards and slept with a stuffed animal or doll at my neck just to be safe.  Did I know there were no such things as monsters?  Of course.  In the middle of the blackness of night, alone in the silence of my room, however, it was a little bit harder to convince myself.

As horrible as that sounds, what eventually helped me defeat my nightmares was truth.  I would mentally bring out each monster before me, address it by name, look at its powers, and then tell it, “but you aren’t real.”  I would force myself to examine the worst it could do.  Then I would remind myself not only was the creature not real, but it had no power over me.  Then the monster would simply fade away.  It only took a few weeks of consistently confronting my demons before they fled permanently. 

As adults, I think we all have a tendency to carry around demons and ghosts of a different nature.  That one fateful, thoughtless decision we made, the horrible and unfair treatment we received at the hands of another, the circumstances we should have been able to control but couldn’t, or the ugly ways we’ve treated someone we genuinely cared about come back to haunt us, overpowering us with fear, despair and lack of worth.   We still can lay awake at night, unable to sleep, consumed by the memories that haunt us.  We keep ourselves incredibly busy so we don’t have time to think, or get sucked into the swamp of defeatist thinking. 

Interestingly, I have found truth to still be the most powerful weapon in defeating my own emotional monsters I have had to battle.  Anger, depression, self-pity, sadness, anger, you name it.  Truth slays it every time. How?  Great question!  This is what Jesus says, “If you hear my voice and abide in my word, you are truly my disciples; you will know the truth, and that truth will give you freedom,” (Jn. 8:31-32 VOICE).    

So truth brings freedom.  But what is that truth?  Consider Romans 8:28,31-35-37:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose … What shall we say in response to this?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all –how will he not also, along with him graciously give us all things?  Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen?  It is God who justifies.  Who then is the one who condemns?  No one.  Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also pleading for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” 

God’s unconditional love and acceptance are my truth.  My demons have no power of me.  Oh, there are certainly lessons to be learned, possible apologies to be given or forgiveness to be granted—none of which are necessarily easy—but there is nothing I haven’t already been forgiven for.  Nothing.  If God doesn’t condemn me, if Jesus thought I was worth enough to give up his life for, who am I to condemn myself and hold onto the guilt and shame that’s already been taken away?  And if I’ve been forgiven of so much, who am I to withhold forgiveness from another?  Most importantly, if I’m loved so very deeply, which God makes crystal clear I am, who am I to not love myself in return? 

So on the days your demons get the better of you, don’t be afraid to face them head on with God by your side.  You are not alone, and you are worthwhile.  The process may be hard and it may get messy, but it leads to freedom, grace and peace for those who train themselves by it.  Open yourself up to receive!

For further thought: “Now all of us, with our faces unveiled, reflect the glory of the Lord as if we are mirrors; and so we are being transformed, metamorphosed, into His same image from one radiance of glory to another, just as the Spirit of the Lord accomplishes it,” (2 Cor. 3:18 VOICE).  Think of a chrysalis metamorphosing into a beautiful butterfly.  What are the ways God is trying to help you metamorphose?  Feel free to share with the rest of the Dented Fender crowd!  I’ve posted mine below.

Everything's Not Lost

There’s no worse feeling than the feeling of being lost – lost in grief, lost in self-pity and pain, lost in fear and despair, lost inside your own inner agony.  I hate feeling lost!  I much prefer certainty, easiness, and peace.  Who doesn’t?  So a lot of times I run away from those moments.  I force myself forward, try to let it go, and keep on keeping on.  

Now there are times in my life where that was exactly what I needed to do – shake it off and move forward.  That was enough to help me find my path again.  The challenge comes when I’m trying to shake something off but it keeps following me, mercilessly!  No matter how hard I try to let the emotion go, it clings to me like a bad hangover, ugly and determined to make me miserable. 

Unfortunately, I think sometimes we can confuse having times of weakness and pain with being a weak person.  So we fight harder, stuff the emotion deeper, and hope to somehow suppress it until we choke it out.  Never mind that we gain weight, work too hard, drink too much and alienate loved ones in the process.  We’re lost in survival mode, never realizing what we’re doing isn’t really helping us find our way out.

Probably one of the greatest gifts I have learned from all the trials I’ve been through is to simply allow what I’m feeling to be.  In other words, if I’m feeling deep pain and hurt, it’s okay to allow myself time to acknowledge and feel it.  If I’m bogged down in self-pity, I give myself time to wallow there awhile, and permission to explore the whys and the hows, to discover the roots of the issue and the lessons to be learned.  I allow myself to feel what I’m feeling without apology.  I embrace my emotion. 

Admittedly, it’s scary at first. Emotions can be messy, ugly things.  And it’s easy to wander down your own rabbit holes, justifying your actions instead of looking for paths of growth.  Yet even that has value; even wandering a bit off course teaches you some things about who you are, what you need, and ways you try to protect yourself to your own detriment.  If you’re like me, you may also be afraid if you allow yourself to go there, you’ll never get back out again.  Amazingly, you can and you do, usually much quicker than if you’re running from the pain.

I’ve found the best place to start is by crying out to God.  Trust me, He’s got really broad shoulders - He can take it!  In fact, there’s an entire book in the Bible called Lamentations written purely to express the grief God’s people were feeling when they were physically and emotionally lost and oppressed.  The author Jeremiah says things like, “I weep and my eyes overflow with tears. No one is near to comfort me, no one to restore my spirit,” and “He (God) has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust.  I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is.” 

Sometimes I think we’re afraid to be real, painfully real, before our maker.  We tend to sugar coat things because we know we’re standing before the creator of the universe, the Great I Am.  For me, sometimes I’m so busy knowing what I should be thinking, about what’s right and wrong about my thinking, that I forget to take the time to discover what it is I actually feel—and get it out before God.  I get caught up in the good little girl syndrome again.

The truth is God knows exactly what you’re feeling anyway.  If you’re angry with Him, He already knows it.  If you’re feeling disappointed with Him, or selfish, full of pity, depressed, bitter or hateful, He knows it anyway.  Hebrews 4:13 says, “ No creature can hide from God: God sees all. Everyone and everything is exposed, opened for His inspection; and He’s the One we will have to explain ourselves to.” (Voice)  He’s not afraid of your anger, your curses, your hurt or anything else you can throw at Him. 

Yet there’s something about getting out our true hearts before God that is freeing.  In Psalm 62:7-8 it says, “My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (NIV)  When we learn to get real with God, to not be afraid to be messy, He becomes a place of refuge for us, a shelter from the storms of life.  We begin to realize in a very deep way God is not out to judge or condemn us, but to listen and be with us, no matter what. 

There’s a Coldplay song I love called, “Everything’s Not Lost.”  He sings:

When I counted up my demons,
Saw there was one for every day,
With the good ones on my shoulder,
I drove the other ones away.
So if you ever feel neglected,
If you think that all is lost,
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,
Hoping everything's not lost.

Don’t be afraid to count up your demons before God.  He will hold your hand and help you find your path again!

For further thought:  Are there any demons/emotions/situations you need to confront in your life?  Carve out some time for yourself to really dig in to what you’re feeling so you can begin to work through it in a way that’s genuine and real. 

The Crazy Cycle

Dr. Eggerich talks and writes about couples getting on the crazy cycle together – a negative, downward spiraling communication pattern with the potential to destroy a relationship.  I have found I can get on my own version of the crazy cycle – continuing to go back to something I know isn’t really from God and doesn’t really work simply because it feels safe and familiar.  And when you’re hurting, man it is so easy to do!

We all have default modes, places we go to emotionally when we feel a little lost.  Usually they’re reactions that come from childhood hurts and experiences.  We did them as kids because we weren’t usually able to remove ourselves from the circumstances.  It’s funny because as adults we have all the ability and power to remove ourselves from any situation, but often we don’t recognize it.  We still feel like that small child, trapped and fearful, unable to move.  It’s so crucial during these moments to step back and force yourself to take a hard look at you and what fears and insecurities are driving you. 

During these times, the big, hairy beast we have to tackle is usually our thinking. Our reaction – if we withdraw, get angry, fight, get verbally abusive or simply disappear into depression, addiction or overwhelming sadness – is really a reflection of our own thought process, which is almost always tied to our self-worth.  We either hurt because we begin believing our own negative emotional lies or we lash out in reaction to someone else’s negative judgment about us, even if it’s only our perception and isn’t really how they feel. 

This is not always an easy process for me, especially if I’m already in an emotionally vulnerable state to begin with – and isn’t that usually how it goes? It’s during those times I can beat myself up quite nicely, thank you, going further and further down the rabbit hole.  I can whip myself into my own version of crazy, ripping my self-worth and confidence to shreds or worse - whipping someone else’s. 

Sometimes, just looking at encouraging scriptures about God’s deep and abiding love for me is enough.  I love scriptures like Ephesians 1:4 that reminds me I am holy and blameless in God’s sight, or Romans 8:31 that tells us, “If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”

Sometimes, though, just looking at my spiritual truths is not enough.  It’s in those moments I find there’s usually something hiding in me in need of God’s light and attention to be healed.  I have to do some mental and spiritual wrestling to really see what it is that needs to change and be let go of in order to heal and move forward.  This isn’t easy no matter how much I wish it were.  It takes a deep willingness to look at some hard truths about self, while holding onto the even more important truth that Jesus died for every one of my weaknesses in order for me to be FREE from the burden I’m carrying, whether it’s caused by my own failures or someone else’s, or a combination of both. 

In these moments, I find scriptures like James 4:7-10 help.  James says, “So let God work his will in you.  Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper.  Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time.  Quit dabbling in sin.  Purify your inner life.  Quit playing the field.  Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out (if need be).  The fun and games are over.  Get serious, really serious.  Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.”  I love knowing God not only gets our struggle, but reminds us how to deal with it so we get off the crazy cycle and back up on our feet again, running ahead with passion, joy and strength.  Then even in the low moments, our hearts can smile knowing we will move forward. 

For further thought:  Going through periods of deep refining are never easy.  We are promised, “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” (Ro. 8:28)  What are some of the good things you have seen come out of your times of struggle?  What are some ways God can bless you through your current situation?